http://ichthys.com/ 
Marriage and the Bible XIV
Question #1:   
Regarding 1 Corinthians 7:15, I understand that the innocent believer is free to remarry if the unbeliever leaves (divorces) and commits adultery or fornication with someone else or remarries. I get that, but my question is, what happens if the unbeliever stays single for a very long time or never remarries or has an affair with anyone else? Does that mean remarriage for the believer is forbidden, and if so, why if they don't have the enablement to remain celibate for life (trying to do so could cause great distress and mental and spiritual damage)? 
Response #1:
On marriage, divorce and remarriage, I've written a lot about this (for the latest link which will lead to others see: "Marriage and the Bible XIII"). There are a great many possible variations and complications on this issue and it would be easy enough to complicate your hypothetical to an inordinate degree. Add to this that in the real world when one starts investigating actual situations it is always so that the specific details of the actual case one is considering are much more important that one will realize when thinking about these issues theoretically. That is why I always try to make it a point to come around to what I believe scripture teaches us positively about this issue. Here is what I generally say:

1) Are you single? Best to stay single.

2) Are you married? Best to stay married.

3) Are you divorced? Best not to re-marry.

4) Have you remarried? Best not to divorce.

This summarizes what the Bible teaches and counsels on these matters. For those who don't follow this biblical advice (we all make mistakes, and sometimes we make big ones), it is good to remember 1) that our God is a god of mercy and forgiveness and He does forgive us our sins when we confess (although that doesn't necessarily end the divine discipline until it has run its course and it certainly doesn't liberate us from the natural consequences of our actions as in suffering from being hitched to the wrong person); and 2) we are indeed responsible to honor our commitments, not only legally, but also in terms of our conscience and Christian witness.

So in your hypothetical, I wouldn't worry about it. People are going to do what they are going to do, and if they are acting honorably as believers, God will honor that. And if they err, they will suffer the consequences but that isn't "the end" any more than if we sin in some other way. It's just that since marriage has all manner of ramifications which most people don't really "get" until they have experienced them, making a mistake here is more painful than, e.g., breaking the speed limit and getting a ticket.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #2:
Hey Robert, if you could when you get a minute, there are a lot of opinion (seems more so now than ever) about an unbiblical second marriage being an ongoing state of adultery. I know we have discussed this in the past.

I also know you know the original languages of scripture. I know the Greek word for commits is present tense so always a large debate over whether its an act or ongoing.

How are you so sure from the original text that its not a state when its present tense and others are sure it is. What evidence is there? Im not sure how its divided 50/50 and how to have a confident answer for that. As I said, I know we've discussed it but I cant find an email that talks about the tense in the Greek text.

I did find something on this in Ichthys...
Response #2:
Yes, there's a lot on Ichthys about this, actually. I'll give you a few links below. The main thing I would like to say is that the operative part of our Lord's statement is about GETTING divorced and then re-married not about BEING married thereafter. E.g.:
He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her."
Mark 10:11 NIV
I.e., it is the wrongly divorcing of one to marry another that is the sin. Notice that our Lord does not tell these Pharisees who were doing this to now divorce wife #2 to go back to wife #1. He merely destroys their hypocrisy by calling out wrongful divorce coupled with remarriage for what it is: a sin – the very adultery they thought to avoid by this hypocritical process of dumping #1 in favor of someone they now preferred. 

Once a person is married, however, a marriage is a marriage and just as sacred as any other. There are some real evil people out there nowadays who are trying to convince happily married people to divorce and return to abusive, dysfunctional and impossible situations of the past, something the Bible NEVER even suggests, let alone encourages. If a person was wrong to marry someone, wrong for whatever reason, wrong to the point of it being a sinful thing to do, then that was a sin. Sins do have consequences, even those for which Christ died (and He died for them all) and even those which are forgiven (all believers are forgiven all sins when they confess them), but there is no such things as living in a state of marriage-sin; it is the act of wrongfully divorcing and the act of then illegitimately remarrying which are the sins. Afterwards even so, marriage is a marriage and a divorce in a second marriage is just as wrong and inadvisable if unjustified as it was in the first marriage. Here are those links:
Marriage and the Bible VI
Marriage and the Bible V
Marriage and the Bible IV
Marriage and the Bible III
Marriage and the Bible II
Marriage and the Bible I
Marriage "Matters"
No Grounds for Divorce?
A Conversation about Divorce and Remarriage
Jephthah's Daughter, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
Christian Divorce and Remarriage
What about Christians who Remarry?
Divorce and Remarriage: What does the Bible say?
In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #3:
Hi Robert, yes, I have read those links several years ago. The biggest argument seems to center around the Greek tense of the verb 'commits' as to whether it's a one time event or ongoing and perpetual adultery referred to

I was looking more for details on how to be sure Jesus was referring to it as a one time sin as there are many who claim He was stating it was ongoing adultery unless the relationship is ended. Very frightening to think you are forgiven if in fact, you are not. I did see you posted something on this. In other words, how can you be SURE Jesus is referring to a one time event and not continuous ongoing adultery since the Greek word can mean either? 
Response #3:
Re: "how can you be SURE Jesus is referring to a one time event and not continuous ongoing adultery since the Greek word can mean either?" Your causal clause here is stating a falsity. I never said this and anyone who said this is either acting deceptively or does not know Greek . . . or English. Indeed there are, many, as you say, "who claim He was stating it was ongoing adultery unless the relationship is ended". Why they do so is difficult to explain without attributing their words and actions to satanic influence. Because this is a diabolical lie.

It would take many hours to reprise all of the hundreds of pages I've written about this (see prior links which will lead to many others). Suffice it to say that if one knows the English language, the truth can easily be seen from carefully reading most standard translations. E.g., 
"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."
Matthew 19:9 KJV
Note: It is whoever "shall put away . . . AND shall marry" that "committeth adultery". Our Lord directly links all of these: wrongful divorce with the intent carried out to marry another is adultery. This does not in any way say, "being married to the other and having relations with her after marriage is adultery". No. It is the ACT of divorce/wrongful re-marriage which the Lord calls adultery, not having relations within marriage, even if the marriage itself was wrongful and, essentially, an act of unfaithfulness. To suggest otherwise as the people you have heard do is an unjustifiable leap of logic taken out of guilt or false incrimination. Even if one wants to say that the last verb should be translated "is committing adultery" (the "tense" argument you mention), that still does not in any way unbind it from what has preceded: in other words, regardless of the tense of "committing adultery", it is still the case that it is the divorcing and wrongly re-marrying which is "committing adultery" and NOT having relations or continuing to be married thereafter.

Re: your mention of this other obscenity, namely, claiming then that remarriage is "ongoing adultery unless the relationship is ended" is NEVER even hinted at by our Lord. Did He tell these Pharisees to now get divorced? Not at all. Wouldn't He have done so if their salvation depended on it? Marriage is marriage. Even if not wisely or even if sinfully concluded, one is still then committed. Yes there are evil people out there who want to destroy the lives of others through such horrible butchery of scripture. Why? So that they can make said individuals their slaves forever. Once a person has succumbed to this sort of guilt-bomb and then destroyed wife/husband, children's lives, they HAVE to follow this Pied Piper to the end . . . otherwise they have done it all for nothing.
This matter arose because some false believers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus and to make us slaves. We did not give in to them for a moment, so that the truth of the gospel might be preserved for you.
Galatians 2:4-5 NIV
Why the devil is pushing this legalistic falsity we have no doubt. The more weak believers he can get to fall into pseudo-Christian groups that are actually under his control (as all legalists are), the better to oppose the grace and the plan of God. But we are not ignorant of his schemes (2Cor.2:11) – or at least we shouldn't be.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #4:
Hi Robert. I did in fact re read many of your conversations with those who were disagreeing with you on Ichthys. As stated, I have read all of these a few years ago. But in there you said:

"However, it turns out that in Greek we merely have the present tense indicative and there is absolutely no other way to say this in Greek. That is to say, while in English we can distinguish between "commits". "is committing" and "does commit", in Greek there is only one form of the present, and it may have any of these three meanings (and the same is true of all present indicatives)."

Also:

"What our Lord actually says in the four places in the gospels where this issue is addressed (Matt.5:32: 19:9 Mk.10:10-12: Lk.16:18) is that unlawful divorce plus re- marriage on these grounds is what constitutes adultery. He doesn't say that having relations when re-married is adultery."

But my concern isn't whether relations are ongoing adultery but remaining in the marriage is.

And scripture doesn't expressly say anywhere the second marriage is sanctioned.... so I have always come to you for perspective on these difficult issues for many years. Please help me understand this as I don't have any peace over this

It's an incredibly grievous sin to commit adultery and break up your marriage then marry the other person both being the guilty parties (direct violation as guilty parties aren't supposed to get remarried even though scripture doesn't say that specifically either) even though the new marriage is many years long. Is it possible that some cases of remarriage require divorce to repent and some don't or should we believe we are forgiven and how would we know?

Does God still such individuals in some sense like Bathsheba was the wife of Uriah? If so, that's frightening. How can anyone in this position know for certain these sins are forgiven?
Response #4:
I'm happy to discuss this further. However, I don't understand what it is about either of the two quotes you've pasted in here that is any way inconsistent of what I've written you lately. Please explain.

Re: "my concern isn't whether relations are ongoing adultery but remaining in the marriage is". If remaining in marriage were a sin, then how would our Lord not have commanded these Pharisees to get divorced? As it is, of course, He is not focusing on the present but the past: they were wrong to divorce wife #1. That is what these passages are all about. You can't divorce your wife (or husband) for inconsequential reasons just because now you'd prefer to be married to someone else. That is wrong. But two wrongs don't make a right and on top of that it's not the present situation that is the issue in these passages (what is what you are concerned about and that is where these legalists you've been listening to are attacking), but the ACT of divorce in order to remarry that was the problem and the sin. 
"I hate sending away (i.e., divorce)", says the Lord God of Israel, "and [I hate] a man covering himself with outrageous wrong-doing (i.e., divorcing wrongly) as if he were [just] putting on his garments. So have a care for your spirits, and do not act treacherously [in this]".
Malachi 2:16
Does the Bible ever command divorce? Isn't it the other way around? 

Re: "scripture doesn't expressly say anywhere the second marriage is sanctioned". ??? Where does the Bible ever do this sort of thing? It's not the way the Bible is written. It's not a legal code or a text book. It doesn't have footnotes. Marriage is always supposed to be kept sanctified regardless of any other considerations.
Let marriage be honored in every respect and the marriage bed undefiled.
Hebrews 13:4a
I could ask about this passage and others like it which talk about marriage and the relations between husband and wives, "why, if the evil people who are pushing this falsehood are right, it doesn't expressly say that second marriages don't apply". That's not here because a marriage is a marriage. So unless these people can show me a passage where the Bible says that a second marriage is "not really a marriage" then unjustified divorce is just as wrong in a second marriage, regardless of the circumstances under which it was contracted. And in that case, shouldn't our Lord have said something like, "whoever divorces his wife and starts living with another woman calling it a marriage when in fact it's not a marriage [etc.]. . ."? But no, He says, "whoever divorces [actual fact] and marries [actual fact so that it is a marriage in fact]" is guilty. 
Who can say, “I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin”?
Proverbs 20:9 NIV
Everyone sins and falls short of God's glorious standard (Rom.3:23); but all believers have been cleansed of their sins when we believe (1Cor.6:11) and we are forgiven whatever we do thereafter when we confess our sin to the Lord (1Jn.1:9). Granted, we are not necessarily released from all divine discipline immediately thereafter. David committed murder – not just adultery – and his discipline was severe and long lasting. But I guarantee you he is saved – and will be one of the most highly rewarded and honored believers in eternity.
“ ‘In that day,’ declares the LORD Almighty, ‘I will break the yoke off their necks and will tear off their bonds; no longer will foreigners enslave them. Instead, they will serve the LORD their God and David their king, whom I will raise up for them.' "
Jeremiah 30:8-9 NIV
Was David required to divorce Bathsheba? No. In fact, her second son by David was Solomon, and it is through this Davidic line that Jesus Christ came into the world. So even in a worst case scenario it is not only not necessary to divorce – it would be cruel, evil . . . and stupid beyond belief. The people who are pushing this damnable narrative have a lot to answer for.
Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.” Nathan replied, “The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die."
2nd Samuel 12:13 NIV

Of David. A maskil. Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the LORD does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.
Psalm 32:1-5 NIV

The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.
Psalm 103:8-13 NIV
THIS is what our God is like. Not some hateful and vengeful figment of the imaginations of these evil people.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #5:
I don't know, I guess that there are whole groups of believers like Mennonites and Anabaptists and alot of others that believe the word 'commits' is continuous because the Greek word can mean either once or continual. Why is it that ambiguous so it's been debated so long?

And maybe David's case was different. Bathsheba was David's fault and in that society, turning her out on her own would have been cruel and unjust since David had Uriah killed

I'm definitely not saying I don't believe what you're saying, it just seems to me there's alot more people than just a fringe, for a long time, that see it that way

I'm just asking how we can be sure Jesus meant commits as a one time act and not perpetual adultery as so many others think? And both of us being the guilty parties definitely did not have the right to remarry. Jesus did say not everyone can accept it but there is nothing said about remarriage. I'm not saying they're right but it really bothers me. How do I find lasting peace on this?

Your friend, 
Response #5:
Whether these groups are composed of believers or not, I can't say. But that 1) they don't have a solid understanding of scripture on this (and many other) issues is very clear. And what their motives are, well, it's hard to be generous in evaluating them, given the horrible damage to others these sorts of false teaching cause.

There is no verb here meaning "commits". The Greek verb form here is moichatai (μοιχαται) and it means "adulterize" (i.e., our "commit adultery" is a periphrasis, that is, using a noun together with a verb to express the full verbal idea; but in Greek it's one form not two so no verb meaning "committing" on its own). The fact that we don't say it in English the way they do in Greek explains the translations you find of the verb. 

Secondly, this has nothing to do with Greek (except as some people try to use Greek to obfuscate this issue). The "continuous/one-time" argument is moot because the verb is co-joined by our Lord to "marrying", that is, the act of marrying someone. It is very clear in Greek, and very clear, I would say, in any English translation (for anyone reading carefully), that it is the act of wrongly "marrying" someone after wrongly divorcing the first party which is equivalent to an act of adultery. Note, "[re]marrying" in the first place and NOT "being married" to someone thereafter. 

This is a critically important distinction. If the marriage was wrong to contract because of a wrongful divorce, then that was a sin (equivalent to an act of adultery). There is no way for any of us to undo a past sin. We can only confess it and take our medicine, so to speak. But divorcing the person one is now married to is also a sin, possibly even a worse one since it would be committed in guilt and/or self-righteousness. And beyond all argument if a person did divorce spouse #2 out of guilt/self-righteousness, that would NOT have any affect on the prior sin of wrongful marriage. How could it? What these misguided (to be overly generous) groups and individuals fail to understand is the very clear language of our Lord that makes the ACT of wrongful divorce followed by a wrongful new marriage an act of adultery. 

That is what the Bible says. You can read it for yourself. I can't do anything about allowing questionable organizations and assorted nut-cases to unnecessarily stir up guilt feelings. This is one of the devil's key tactics. Any time we find ourselves motivated by guilt feelings when we know in our heart of hearts we're not doing anything wrong, we can be sure that the evil one is behind it.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #6:
Just wanted to give some more updates to keep you in the loop. 

The Bible study I was attending. I just left and two of the Bible study leaders asked why. Understandably, they wanted to hear feedback. The problem is that if I was to express all the issues I had with the group, they would have to change almost everything which isn't gonna come close to happening. Yes, some of these things I expected and wouldn't part ways with by themselves but it's all just too excessive when you combine everything. As you probably anticipated, I was very disappointed and unhappy attending this group. I don't say any of these things to be judgmental or to gossip but only because it's good to have mental and spiritual support and encouragement from someone who is on the same page and who understands (like you do). And we both know it is in no way arrogant to judge things as they really are in the church visible. That is one of the problems some people no doubt would have with Ichthys and our community approach, telling us we aren't being loving or unified as we should be because of "knowledge arrogance." I never got this from the Bible study group particularly but am speaking in general. 

I gave only two reasons for why I left, the first being that they were allowing too many people to teach (5-6 young men), some of whom don't even have the gift of teaching and some of them were contradicting themselves and each other so that there was confusion and disunity within the group. We have been going through a book called "Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer (some of them are also big fans of CS Lewis and John MacArthur which of course, I'm not) but they eventually want to go through some books of the Bible. They asked if I wanted to lead (which I did appreciate and thanked them for because I was flattered and took it as a compliment) but I declined by telling them that I was more called/gifted to write online studies as opposed to leading something in person. They also don't need any more leaders because they have way more than enough and a lot of what I would have to say would clash with their beliefs and cause constant friction and headbutting left and right (my goal was never to lead another groups Bible study; I would hypothetically only ever lead one if I advertised it as my own), especially with two of the leaders in particular who I grew up attending church with years ago who would probably feel like it's their job to put me in my place only because they are 5 or something years older (they are both very opinionated and not afraid to challenge the beliefs of others which can be a good or bad thing). Not to mention that my views would conflict with that of the other leaders so that the listeners would be left in a bind over who to listen to and which way to go. There are already too many disagreements as it is, they don't need me adding to the hodge-podge of what is already there. 

Disagreements (much of what I did expect going into this beforehand) are excessive in this group and that is another reason I left. During the lesson time, everything becomes a discussion where everyone goes around and shares their opinion (here is what I think or what I believe) and many of the people argue the whole time for a while until the leader sees fit to resume teaching. I'm fine with the teacher allowing some questions and answers during the lesson time but in this group it gets way out of hand (a lot of the discussion needs to be saved until AFTER the lesson is over-then they can have at it all they want). Disagreements will always exist of course but the way I see it is that you gotta draw the line sooner or later if the disagreements are too drastic and excessive. To be honest, this "everyone has a million different opinions" wreaks of borderline relativism because those involved don't share a common love and zeal for the truth. 

To be fair to this particular group, they may take some of the feedback I gave and change some things, so I can't discount that. I hope that in leaving I helped make at least some difference. But I don't want to get caught in between two of the leaders I already know well enough because I feel like they would always be united against me if I were to engage in more of the discussions/arguments. I'm not a rug and don't want to be talked down to when I myself am a teacher and carry my own authority- authority I cannot exercise in this group. In all fairness, I did go to them, so you have that. 

Some of the people in the group did find out about my website and Ichthys and I believe spread the news to some of the others. I believe (although I could be wrong) it may have shown in some of the lessons and discussion time in the form of a few indirect jabs (although jabs may not be the best word). I just feel like if they found out more of what I believed they would feel that I'm a bit of a threat to the group, so although they may not have kicked me out they would undoubtedly be a lot more wary around me. One of the leaders I believe knows about your basic series and kind of "went on the attack" against the systematic theology approach to teaching and said a few other suspicious things that made me wonder if he didn't look into you and me more and found more things he disagreed with. I don't know. I never pushed back against any of his critiques. I just find it ridiculous that people take issue with your ministry and go looking for things to disagree with but have no qualms about utilizing many of the writings of Tozer and CS Lewis. Have they seen some of the things those men believed and taught? Not saying they didn't have anything good to offer or that people can't benefit from them but you get the point. 

Finally, on the whole dating and marriage front- I know this is along the lines of an application area but how does one go about expressing one's beliefs? There are some things I believe where I don't know if they would be deal breakers or not (since we disagree with some big big major doctrines/teachings so many in the church hold in such high regard). Obviously, I can't expect the woman I date to agree with everything I believe but where does one draw the line? 

[omitted]

Your brother in Christ, 
Response #6:
Thanks for this.

Very interesting about the Bible study. This is so typical. Anyone and everyone is free to shoot their mouth off . . . unless and until the person knows what they are talking about and is bringing some truth to the table. I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did. Let me commend you for acting honorably throughout. You and I have had an extended conversation about a strategy of using attendance at such places as a means of attracting people to something better. I think you can see from your experience how in practical reality as opposed to theory that's fraught with potential problems. And mostly it won't work, even if it were done in a completely godly way. I also note that you did not meet a potential spouse.

On the latter point, I certainly don't have any advice on the how. I know it just "happens" for many people. I also know that God is faithful, that He hears our prayers, and that He has a plan for you. If that entails a wife, then He will bring it about. On some matters it's fair to criticize a lack of action. But I can't imagine anyone even suggesting that you're not serious or doing your part just because you are not on "dating aps", e.g.

In terms of who is and who is not acceptable, here again I would want to trust the Lord. There is no way you could possibly get all that right even if you had thousands of "potentials" to pick from and a staff of a hundred vetting them. The main thing there is just to be sober enough to recognize what is definitely NOT going to work (i.e., an unbeliever, an RC who claims to be Christian, etc., etc.). Just because a person doesn't yet have the spiritual understanding you do is not necessarily disqualifying. My advice would be to be inflexible on the critically important thing (believer/unbeliever), and flexible on everything else. If the Lord provides, He will work the other things out. That is to say, He will leave it to the two of you to work it out. And marriage is always a matter of working things out (cf. 1Cor.7:28).

I have you in prayer on this, my friend. Just remember that God's timing is always perfect (whether we get that or not at the time).

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #7:
Thanks for all the input/advice on dating. Regarding the mobile or online dating thing for those who think they're valuable, personally, I don't feel like it's for me even though I'm open to it. I just haven't felt led to it. I do know that if you want to meet someone you gotta make yourself available by actually being around other people in some way (whatever the specifics of that look like). So I have been doing that (getting off the park bench) without forcing anything to happen (taking Paul's advice in 1 Corinthians 7). 

On plugging into churches/groups, I still want to give this church a try for a while and see what comes of it. I might be done plugging into Bible studies for good but will keep an open mind. Church services are almost a complete waste of time in my opinion (obviously) but I think I actually feel safer there than in a Bible study where everyone is closer and gets up in your face more due to lesser numbers not adding to all the distraction. Sunday services allow me to still talk to people but also to "blend in with the crowd" and slip out whenever I need to. Plus, there are way more options and possibly more ways to connect that way. I keep hearing people ask me how I expect to ever meet someone if I'm never in a church. I even overheard someone say something along the lines of that it would be hard to imagine a woman wanting to date a Christian man if he doesn't go to church. Regarding the first statement, I have told these people that there is more than one way to meet a potential spouse other than in church but they thought church (though not the only approach) was the best way. I don't know, maybe it would be good for me in order to give a good impression or be a good witness (1Cor.9:20-23 maybe, but perhaps not). 

[omitted]

Your brother in Christ, 
Response #7:
Sounds reasonable to me, my friend. It really is annoying to be hit with the self-righteousness of church-goers who are not even close to even thinking about what the Lord really wants out of them (if they were, they wouldn't be where they are). My "go to" on that now is the following (as you've probably seen):
And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25 NKJV
The above was written to church-goers, temple-goers, who were assembling, alright, but not properly with other Christians for genuine mutual encouragement through the truth of the Word of God. So from the Lord's point of view, "What is wrong with you that you're not going to church?" is really, "What is wrong with you that you ARE going to THAT 'church' ?"

By the way, that is the problem with meeting someone at a church too, after all. If potential spouse were really interested in the truth, why would he/she be going there? Can God work that one out? Sure. He can also cause you to meet someone who is really interested in the truth . . . somewhere else.

Keeping you in my prayers.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #8:
If 2 gay men or women marry, then one or both become believers, should they divorce? From what I understand marriage biblically is between a man and a woman, as established from the dawn of creation. If homosexuality is an abomination to begin with, it stands to reason that God does not acknowledge a gay marriage, regardless of secular law.

Another short question I should ask:

Is a man being bald sinful somehow? Several men shave their head, and some are just bald because of medical conditions or reaching a very old age. Is it not sinful in those cases but is if it's willingly done? Asking because of the discussion on Genesis 3 and the fact you brought up the "hair covering" from 1 Corinthians.
Response #8:
1) Hypothetical – never heard of it actually happening (let's cross that bridge when we come to it). If anyone ever did find themselves in that situation, remember what scriptures assures us of:
You have not suffered any testing beyond normal human [experience]. And God is faithful. He will not allow you to be tested beyond your capacity, but, along with the test, He will grant you the way out, so that you can bear up under it.
1st Corinthians 10:13
For those who do truly belong to the Lord, He always provides "a way out".  They (we) just have to be willing to take it.

2) No. Women are instructed not to tear out their hair in mourning or shave their heads for vows. Here's a link explaining that passage.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #9:
[omitted]
Response #9:
I am praying for you on this issue of marriage, my friend, and I promise to continue to do so.

Regarding the shortness of the time, I've always told everyone to do what the Lord and the Spirit guide them to do regardless of where we think we may be on the eschatological clock. Even if the Tribulation does start next year, it doesn't mean that marrying would be wrong if that is what the Lord has for you. I do hasten to add that marrying the wrong person is a disastrous mistake regardless of the times. On the other hand, it is also true that there are no perfect people, so "Mr./Mrs. Right" is not also going to be "Mr./Mrs. Exactly as I'd Imagined Him/Her Perfect".

And before we're married, we all have the same problem of avoiding falling into sin while we wait patiently for the Lord's solution. Some wait longer than others, but all have to wait.

I won't be posting your part of this.

Keeping you in my prayers daily, my friend. Best wishes for your own ministry work!

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #10:
[omitted]
Response #10:
You're most welcome!

I was reading about Elizabeth in my Greek NT today. She had to wait a long time until her "reproach" in the eyes of people was taken away. She had done nothing wrong and was actually a fine believer as the gospel records. And in the end, after waiting on the Lord, she was given a son. And what a son! The Lord's own herald, John the baptist. Not only that, but it occurred to me that having him late, in her 50's, she had probably passed on to be with the Lord before John was imprisoned and beheaded, so she didn't have to go through what Mary, Jesus' mother, did (Lk.2:34-35).

So God's timing is, not surprisingly, perfect. None of us likes having to wait when we are in trouble, or hurting, or otherwise under pressure, but waiting on the Lord is part of the process of spiritual growth. The sooner we accept that and embrace it, the better for our happiness and peace – and growth.
You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:3b-4 NIV
Keeping you in my daily prayers about this.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #11:
Hello Bob,

__ is committing a sin mentioned in 1 Corinthians 5:11 (sex before marriage) and I think __ is calling herself a Christian. What do you think I should do?
Response #11:
If some brother or sister is doing wrong BY YOU, then these verses apply:
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."
Matthew 18:15-17 NKJV
However, if it's a matter of seeing another believer doing things they should not, then we do have this passage:
Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.
James 5:19-20 NKJV
That kind of intervention has to be done very circumspectly, however:
Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.
Jude 1:22-23 NIV
Also, no one should even consider intervention if he/she is in any way compromised themselves:
"And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother’s eye."
Luke 6:41-42 NKJV
Family members also constitute a special case. They know us – or at least they think they do. They are aware of our past failings and imperfections and are likely to focus on those and not whatever spiritual progress we have made since in all spiritual situations and especially if we are giving them unsolicited advice. 

What I always suggest when it comes to the near and dear or old friends is to take a more careful approach, keeping the lines of communication open while at the same time not justifying or accepting things with which we disagree for obvious reasons. That way, if said person is really interested in the truth and/or genuinely conflicted about their behavior, the interaction will be more one of loving guidance than harsh judgment. The Lord is perfectly capable providing the necessary discipline (Heb.12:3-11). Our job is to provide a witness to the truth, first by how we act (with love being the primary command); second by what we say, every word of which needs to be consonant with the truth. 

After all, in a situation like this, what is the point of antagonizing someone we care about if we are well aware that not only will they not change if we render harsh judgment against them but might use this as an excuse to dig in their heels and turn farther away from the Lord (this being the last thing we want)?

This is not advice. I'm not privy to the details and the responsibility is yours not mine. I will say a prayer for you and for __ and I suggest you put the matter in the Lord's hands in prayer and in the Spirit first. After all, there is nothing impossible for Him.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #12:
Hello Bob!

I think at the day I wrote you about the problem I already distanced myself from __ and __ surely knew why. I don’t know if I should even apologize or if it was right or wrong

In Christ,
Response #12:
As mentioned, this is a personal matter of application so you are the only one capable of discerning the precise right course. If you are not sure, put the matter to the Lord in prayer and wait on the Spirit.

We are all imperfect so we all make mistakes. So don't be stubborn about sticking to this course of action if it turns out not to have been the best one.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #13:
Doc, can you send me a list of your pages on divorce? Many people still see me as a heretic for rightly pointing out how abuse kills a marriage, and claim that somehow it's the abused's fault for "not discerning right"(!?) 
Response #13:
Will do. As I've always maintained, biblically speaking, no one is required to endure an abusive situation. Rather, I've always counseled immediate separation wherever there is physical or mental abuse.

Here are those links:
Marriage and the Bible VIII
Marriage and the Bible IV
Marriage and the Bible III
Marriage and the Bible II
Marriage and the Bible
Marriage "Matters"
No Grounds for Divorce?
A Conversation about Divorce and Remarriage
Jephthah's Daughter, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage
Christian Divorce and Remarriage
What about Christians who Remarry?
Divorce and Remarriage: What does the Bible say?
Marriage and the Bible VII
Wishing you and your family a very merry Christmas and a happy 2025, my friend.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #14:
Hi Mr. Luginbill,

Glad you have a lighter load for a couple weeks here!

I got some news the other day - one of my friends told me that she is gay and is engaged to another woman.

She started wearing a ring and I finally asked her about it, and she said it was an engagement ring. I wasn't shocked (I had suspected something but it's different to have the person actually confirm it to you).

She told this to me over text and I didn't respond right away. When I did, I tried to keep it on the main issue. I know that while some sin has worse consequences, all sin is still sin and the most important thing is her relationship with Jesus. I pretty much told her so in my reply. Here's our conversation: [omitted]

I haven't said anything since. I'm not sure how much to say, since it seems like she isn't interested. I'm a little unsure on how to move forward in our friendship - she said she doesn't want this to effect it but it will/has.

I don't know what to do - I feel like saying "see ya, never talking to you again" would be wrong but I also don't think we can be very close. I guess she has always been like this since I've known her but she never flat out told me until I asked (although I wondered).

And she claims to be a Christian and told me the other woman was too. And the articles she sent me talk about how you can be a Christian and be homosexual (due to some mistranslation of the Bible). But if you are a true believer and involved in that, then you are walking on dangerous ground.

So I guess I'm just asking, how do I proceed? Would you advise engaging a little more or would that be pointless? I don't want to have a knee-jerk and I don't want to say more than God says on this.

I think it's pretty straightforward that God says marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman - so how do you refute these false interpretations of the Bible? And I don't want it to be a "me vs her" thing, like we're just trying to prove a point cause then is isn't about wanting the truth, it's wanting to win.

Thank you in advance.

Respectfully,
Response #14:
I'm very sorry to hear all this, but you clearly understand things exactly correct, and you also clearly have weighed out the issues in a good and godly way (as is evidenced from the text of your conversation, making it clear that for you, the main concern is her spiritual safety). It is the trap of the devil to place us wherever possible into situations where the pressures we feel twists us into rationalizing that what we want to do is OK, even when we know that this is not the case at all. When we go down that bad road of justifying our sinful behavior, we begin to harden our hearts against the truth. Yes, "God is big", but that doesn't mean that there is no right and wrong. Yes, "the Bible is complicated", but that doesn't mean that there aren't answers . . . for those who are actually willing to accept what God says instead of telling Him what He really means. Yes, everyone is a sinner and a hypocrite to some degree, but that doesn't mean that we can sin with impunity – and if we start saying that our sin is not sinful, we make God out to be a liar (1Jn.1:10).

Your friend says, "I've learned there is a lot more we don't know or understand since taking ethics and religion classes in college". This is the problem with looking for answers in the wrong places. If a Christian reads the Bible and listens to the Spirit, while of course one does need good Bible teaching to grow, MANY things are obvious just from reading the English Bible. NO ONE can read Romans chapter one, for example, and have any doubt about what the Bible says about this issue. Every unbeliever cherishes the false notion in his/her heart that "because other people did worse, I'll be fine at the last judgment". But Christ died for all sin, and as you rightly point out to your friend, it's not about sin, it's about faith and about faithfully following Jesus. But how can we follow Him if we refuse to do what He says (Lk.6:46)? Making mistakes, sinning, is part of the human condition. And He forgives us when we confess since He died for all our sins. But if we say, "I am NOT a sinner!" and, "This is NOT a sin!", we are opposing Him. And it is a short jump from hostility to the Lord for any reason to complete apostasy. Because if we push Him away, how are we not like the dog returning to its own vomit?
This is a faithful saying:
For if we died with Him,
We shall also live with Him.
If we endure,
We shall also reign with Him. If we deny Him,
He also will deny us.
If we are faithless,
He remains faithful;
He cannot deny Himself.
2nd Timothy 2:11-13 NKJV
We can't choose our family, but friends are a different issue. We can't convince other people who are headed the wrong way to turn around, but bad company does corrupt good morals (1Cor.15:33). Which is why scripture doesn't tell us to avoid the world which is full of corrupt people, but it does tell us to stay away from other believers who are acting completely out of line, and that compromising here is dangerous (1Cor.5:9-13).

Re: "I think it's pretty straightforward that God says marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman". Amen!

Re: "so how do you refute these false interpretations of the Bible?" I don't think you do. When someone is disagreeing with the above, it's very clear that they have little respect for the Lord and His Word. It will probably have to be Him who does the refuting – which He will, one way or another and at one time or another.

I'll say a prayer about this. Keeping you in my daily prayers, my friend.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #15:
Hi Mr. Luginbill,

I sent my friend a reply, asking her to just read Romans 1 with a heart for knowing God's truth. She responded again with saying she didn't want to change my beliefs on something that isn't a salvation issue, that she didn't want to push her beliefs on me any more than she wanted people to push theirs on her.

I asked her if she thought that there was absolute truth and she said this:

I believe some truths are absolute but not as many as we may think. I used to believe truth was absolute in general but my ethics class changed that. For example, murder is absolutely wrong. Maybe... but what if you have to murder one innocent person to save 100 innocent people? Suddenly it would be more wrong not to murder the one innocent person and allow the 100 innocent people to be murdered. The example was that of a terrorist who was going to bomb a city and the only way to get him to tell where the bomb was in time was to torture his innocent daughter. Sounds horrendous but you can't let the entire city die to save 1 innocent person either.

Me: I agree there are times when something that is normally wrong might be ok to do, in certain situations. An example that comes to mind would be lying to Nazis to save Jews. In that case, lying would probably be the right thing to do and God can certainly work out the details, and does, for all who are His children (Romans 8:28). The problem with allowing truth to fluctuate is that, then where is your standard? If I was trying to decide what was right and wrong, do I trust my opinions? My feelings? What my parents say? What the media says? If you don't have a standard of right and wrong, how can you correctly guess the right path? I am NOT saying I have all the answers or understand the Bible perfectly. But I choose to believe the Bible and I want to know God's Truth on salvation and all the other topics as well. Ethics classes can't solve the issues that are caused by evil people (like terrorists) and I want something more solid to stand on.

She replied by saying she did believe the Bible but not that people have never erred in translation or that the Old Testament laws apply. And that the Bible hadn't solved evil people either or else we wouldn't still have them. She also said, "You are welcome to continue to stand on the solid beliefs you hold. Trust me, life was simpler before I realized things weren't as black and white as I had once thought. But I can't unknow what I know. And things are not as black and white as I once believed. I don't need to change your beliefs."

To me, the world is pretty black and white. God's Truth makes it black and white. And for all the gray areas, aren't they mostly situational and due to our sin natures - since we are human and don't understand things like God does? Doesn't God see the world and even our lives in "black and white"? Like, Jesus knows exactly what we should do in every situation. We don't always know so it looks gray to us. What do you think?

[omitted]

So then I dropped it. She didn't listen to anything I said. She isn't going to change right now. I didn't think she would, still it's frustrating. I wanted to try to get her to just read Romans 1. She's either lying to herself or ignoring what she knows or something. And I think she is using her hard past as an excuse (not that I am discounting the things she went through, not at all). But you can't say "my dad was an evil man, therefore I will not marry a man". She still says she is a believer so I'm worried about her and it's making the friendship so awkward. I can't ever be friends in the same way and it's gonna show. I don't want to completely stop talking to her but the next time I see her is going to be so awkward.

Thank you for listening to all this.

Respectfully,
Response #15:
I think you handled this about as well as anyone could have done. As to what you should do, I said my piece last time. I find it "thought provoking" that this ethics class made all this so clear to her – clear as mud. She was just looking for excuses and finally found someone/something that provided them. It is also very interesting how you made a simple request and she managed to avoid even interacting with it in spite of all the long drawn out answers and justifications. You made it simple. You: "Look, Romans says this is a real problem. Don't you see this, or don't you have any respect for the Bible's authority?" Her: "Life is complicated, people are hypocrites, so it's OK that I do whatever I want". You: "Don't tell me. Tell it to the Lord." Of course you didn't put in the last bit, but that is of course where things stand. You shouldn't feel frustrated. You did what the Lord was wanting you to do. It's not your job to decide for other people; we are just responsible to make the truth clear. The rest is up to the Lord . . . and to the people who hear the truth, as to whether they choose to respond or not.

Happy Thanksgiving!

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #16:
Hi Dr L,

How are you? How is your garden?

My plant is still going so I am happy.

I’m wrestling with how to balance our call to sacrificial love (as Paul models with the women who served him) and the need to protect myself from being used—especially given my trauma history and the countless times I’ve seen a lot of men (not all) use all sorts of tactics to extract and exploit women’s kindness/encouragement/attention/time/money/energy/etc., only to be found to be lying, or be into very sinful activities you had no idea about, or discard the women when it’s convenient, things like that. There is a dating coach I saw who went into details and recommended not even giving guys anything unless they pony up money for an expensive date, because you will just get embittered giving and giving and giving and getting burned. I don't want to be like that but I don't know what the answer is with all of the __ going on. [omitted]

How can I discern when someone truly needs help and guidance, and when I’m simply being manipulated or set up to be used and then discarded? Do you have any biblical principles or practical steps I can follow to know when to step in—and when to maintain healthy, God-honoring boundaries for my own well-being?

Thank you,
Response #16:
I'm glad I'm not "of that age". As it is, all of my information on this subject is very "dated" (sorry!)

I will say that men and women are all flawed because we all have sin natures. That is the only thing we can generalize about, really. God knows you, and if He has someone for you it is "the right person". So there is no need to set expectations too low – but we need to be careful not to set them too high either because even Mrs./Mr. Right is not going to be perfect . . . and we aren't either, after all. Believers who are spiritually mature make the best partners for obvious reasons, but even here we have to make allowances for all the baggage anyone over the age of sixteen is carrying in this awful world (check that; nowadays probably twelve). As I probably have mentioned more than once, I bumped into my TBS roommate (whom I hadn't seen since graduation) on an aircraft carrier off Korea during an op while stationed on Okinawa. He had been engaged and I knew his fiancée, so I asked him how he liked being married. His reply: "Well it depends. Would your rather be lonely all the time or angry all the time?". I've always thought that this summed up things rather well. But not as well as Paul does it in the Holy Spirit:
But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
1st Corinthians 7:28 NIV
Keeping you in my prayers daily, my friend.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #17:
Hi Bob,

Thank you for the greeting. I hope your Thanksgiving was happy and enjoyable.

I do have one question: in BB 3A (with which I'm nearly through) you posit that Adam and Eve were madly in love. (My interpretation.) Was that an assumption or is there scripture to support it? Logically, it makes sense. I just don't remember any scripture that says that.

I pray all the issues at school resolve to your liking. Stay well and keep writing. (We need it!)

In our Lord,
Response #17:
It was great! Hope yours was as well.

I'm pretty sure I didn't say anything like "madly in love". I do say that Adam was greatly appreciative of the gift of Eve and wrote the world's first love poem for her, but scripture doesn't say anything about her feelings for Adam. In any case, although his desire not to lose Eve resulted in his giving up of Eden for her (preferring Eve outside of the garden for the Lord inside), five minutes later he is blaming her for what happened. So even it was true love after all, it's clear that only by loving the Lord more are we ever going to be able to do right by those we love in this world.

Thanks for the good words and good wishes – and for the prayers!

Keeping them up on this end as well.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #18:
Hi Mr. Luginbill,

Thank you for this information. It's interesting how quickly we forget history and think that it's always been how it is now.

The Ruth study went ok. We had a new lady join us (a friend of __'s) and I think she is a new/young believer. I am hoping that I can discern how to proceed with saying what needs to be said, without correcting things that aren't that important (there were some things this new lady said that I wish she hadn't, cause I just want __ to grow and not be harmed by anything wrong). Of course, all truth is important, but one can't go around saying everything or you might give off impressions that don't help your Christian witness. We're doing Proverbs next.

However, that morning, __ asked us a question since she said it had been bothering her since the previous Saturday and she wanted to know if we thought it was biblical. Apparently she had walked into a conversation about the rapture happening in the next 5 years. Well, long story short, we got to explain to her about the Tribulation, the Second Advent of Jesus at the end of the Tribulation, the concept of the 7 days of human history, and other related things. Her response was encouraging and she said, "I need my kids to read the Bible, how do I get this to my kids and husband?" We had never talked about the end times in depth and I was glad we did. I also see the need to study it more so I can answer questions.

On another topic...still thinking about marriage.

In Peter #35, you say this:

"Marriage, in the Bible, is more of an unfortunate necessity than it is a means of achieving happiness in this life."

And we have 1 Corinthians 7:28-35.

In our present culture, we are constantly surrounded by sinful suggestions, romantic influences, and the like. And while marriage is not a sin, it comes with trouble. Marriage is not like TV - it is hard and it takes a level of sacrificial love towards another sinful person, living with them day in and day out in a close relationship, that you don't have to handle when you are a single believer.
Emotional people that we are, how do we sort this all out?

I know I asked this before and you said to pray and the Lord would eventually make it known His will for me, marriage or singleness. Waiting to know is hard.

I can't help thinking that with time so short the pressures of the Tribulation would seem to put a strain on marriage. If God did give me a husband, well, there is no guarantee that we'd make it through together. What if we were torn apart? What if we had no food to give our children? How would I know if marriage and my husband and I supporting one another in our Christian walks and ministries would be the godly thing to do vs living singleness out for the purpose of loving God without distraction and not having to take care of a family in the darkest time in human history?

We are here for the Lord and to help our brothers and sisters. Human love sometimes sounds nice - yet how would I know I were just romanticizing something I have never had? Without no marriage there would be no more human history (assuming no one sinned here) - Ruth was a godly woman, Mary was a godly woman. They fulfilled their part in God's plan. I just want to know my part.

Ah, well, I shall try to wait. Sorry for this long message. Thank you as always for listening to me.

Respectfully, 
Response #18:
Glad to hear that your efforts on behalf of the Church of Jesus Christ are continuing and going so well! Managing a "Bible study" where people ask questions is hard enough; managing one where they share their (incorrect/ill-informed/non-biblical) opinions can be quite challenging. It takes a deft hand to be considerate and not patronizing while at the same time standing up for the truth and not allowing anything false to get any purchase.

In terms of your other question, it's fair to say that most people do get married and that there is nothing ungodly about that. In fact we know that marriage is the divinely instituted basis for the family, the fundamental human organization ordained by God (Gen.2:20-25; Matt.19:4-6). Because of the fall, of course, marriage is no longer "Edenic" (cf. 1Cor.7:28), but it is still the normal state for human beings so that desiring it is in no way wrong.

Here are a few things I read in scripture:
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22 NKJV

He who finds a wife [and] who finds a good thing [in so doing] obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22 [my translation; see the link]

Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
1st Corinthians 7:2 NKJV

Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1st Timothy 5:14
These verses indicate that in addition to being godly, marriage is often preferable to the alternative (even if there are advantages to the alternative for the small group of people who can handle it: 1Cor.7:32-35). 

It is true that the time may be short (and that is one of the arguments Paul uses in the same context cited above for being careful about marriage: 1Cor.7:29-31), but just because that may be the case is not in and of itself a reason to forgo getting marriage. In fact, I also find this in scripture:
Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry . . .
1st Timothy 4:1-3a NKJV
What follows in this warning about the false teaching of the Tribulation is about food. We have seen before how that the beast's religion will be at once both licentious and abstemious. Marriage is thus anathema to the devil because it gives human beings a lawful, godly avenue for sexual activity – the only one there is – and so much of the devil's operations center around illicit sex of one sort or another. So the fact that Paul warns us here about forbidding getting married, even during the Tribulation, suggests to me that marriages will continue to be contracted, right up until the end in spite of satanic opposition.

In terms of what might happen, I read this in the Bible:
Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
Ecclesiastes 11:4 NIV
Meaning that there is always going to be a "reason" not to do things which are good to do or even necessary to do, and therefore it is not wise to allow "worst case possibilities" to completely paralyze us from doing what is good or right or necessary.

If my own life experience is of any value, I can tell you that while plenty of flak has come my way, the things I was concerned about were usually not the things that were the biggest headaches or trouble; rather it was "things I never expected" that were the most problematic. The moral is that we really can't afford to allow our fears to govern our actions. Yes, we need to be prudent, wise and not foolish, but just because something bad might happen is not sufficient reason for us not to do what God is prompting us to do. If you are meant to be married, and if God provides a good spouse, the fact that some disaster might happen should not dissuade you from getting married. There are good reasons for certain people to stay single, but fear about the future is not one of them. God is our future and He superintends everything we do.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Re: "I just want to know my part". That is absolutely understandable and of course you're not alone. We're all wondering what's around the corner for us in small things and in large things, marriage being one of the largest of course. Trust the Lord. He has the perfect plan for you. He will not let you down. He will work it all out together for you for good – because you love Him (Rom.8:28).
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. LORD Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you.
Psalm 84:11-12 NIV

Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
Psalm 125:1 NIV
In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #19:
Hi Mr. Luginbill,

In a world where incorrect/ill-informed/non-biblical opinions are quite prevalent, I do expect some challenges. What you said is what I want to do: not sound like a know-it-all and also not just let it dissolve into an unproductive study where we're not actually digging into God's Word with the correct approach.

I think I understand what you're saying in that the hardest things were the unexpected things. Re: "The moral is that we really can't afford to allow our fears to govern our actions" and Re: "therefore it is not wise to allow "worst case possibilities" to completely paralyze us from doing what is good or right or necessary".

[omitted]

Thank you for the verses, especially the last two passages.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. LORD Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in You. -Psalm 84:11-12 NIV 

[omitted]

10 The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. 11 So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, 12 I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. 13 Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both wealth and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. 14 And if you walk in obedience to me and keep my decrees and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.” - 1 Kings 3:10-14 

God not only gave Solomon the wisdom he asked for, He made him the wisest man to ever live (excepting Jesus). Then, God gave Solomon more blessings on top of that. So in this we see God's character. He loves His children.

I'll try to trust God more in this wondering about marriage, to not be afraid and to not hinder God's plan with worry or fear, and to have contentment where I am until that changes. I'll need the Holy Spirit to help with this.

And all your prayers are much appreciated. I'll try not to write you on this topic for a little while now

Jumping into the work week tomorrow (had an unexpected day off). Hope yours is going well!

Respectfully,
Response #19:
Good observations!

We all need the Spirit – and we could all afford to do a better job in listening to Him and in letting Him empower and lead us.

Keeping you in my prayers for this and all other things, my friend.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #20:
Hi Bob,

It's been an eventful month. 

__ was married on 7/11. It was a quick, small wedding. 

[details of immediate, serious abuse omitted]

I'm praying now that she doesn't get pulled back in. __ are already throwing Scripture at her that they think supports no divorce. I disagree. 

[omitted]

I think it would be very dangerous spiritually for __ to go back. She is trying hard to stay strong and said she is reading the Bible every night. I mentioned to her to contact you if she has any questions. I'm not sure she will. I just learned that __ introduced her to a Bible group this last year. I guess they are Jehovah witnesses. I'm not to concerned that __ will join but I'm concerned of the messages in they are giving her in the Bible are being twisted. I pray she can have the wisdom to discern. When I read the Bible I can feel the true message but I do not have the gift like you do to explain. 

Could you please help me explain this verse 

13) And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. (14) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. (15) But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
1st Corinthians 7:13-15.

Thank you Bob for your friendship. 

Ps
Also, my health isn't doing well. [omitted] With all of this going on, my strength is being hacked at. I'm trying to stay above water with my faith but it's not easy. I do believe in his perfect timing but I would like to manipulate this time. 

I hope you are doing well. 
Response #20:
My dear friend,

First, I praise and thank God that __ is OK (and everyone else too)!

Second, I praise and thank God that He has worked this out in such a way as to remove the veil from all deception and reveal things to all of you as they really are.

Everything you two did and have done was good and right and righteous.

__ passed away this summer. He drank himself to death – literally. He had been in and out of rehab for maybe twenty years. He got violent when he drank. He abused his wife and children. She divorced him and they, at the end, would have little to do with him. But in the process of destroying himself he seriously scarred his wife, his children, his mother, his father, and created a rift between them and his brother which still has not healed. He is gone, but they are all still in pain. His eldest daughter ended up in a similar situation, with a man who claimed to love her, but who would beat her up when he got drunk. This is NOT an uncommon story.

Here are the facts. __ is not going to reform. He is not going to get better. He is not going to stop drinking (even if he does for some time). He is not going to change (only being born again can change a person). He is NOT a believer. Worse, he is (apparently, from what you write) a member of a vile cult. Worse, it seems at least possible (apparently, from what you write) that he may be demon possessed.

__ has NO business ever having any sort of contact with him or his father ever again – and neither do the rest of you. It is deadly to pretend that horrible things "never happened". This is how abused women are destroyed and often even murdered.

The verse you quote envisions good people in good marriages. It has NO application for abusers and abusive situations. That sort of behavior essentially puts a marriage to death, and there is no biblical basis for pressuring any woman back into any such situation. That is abusing the Bible as well as the woman (happy to explain all this in detail and point to some links too, but the bottom line is that, no, the Bible never tells women to stay in dangerous and abusive situations – that is insane).

I know that you already know all this but you love your daughter and she is clearly torn. Please do everything you can to rescue her from ever putting herself back into that situation ever again. It won't be better. It will only be worse.

In terms of divorce, I'm no lawyer and I know nothing of the laws in your state, but it occurs to me that perhaps an annulment might still be possible. After all, this marriage was contracted under false pretenses, hiding an abusive personality, hiding alcoholism, hiding serious mental illness (at the very least). That might be quicker and simpler (I don't know).

I'm praying for all this and I'm also praying for your health. I put up a prayer request at Ichthys for the latter (let me know if you want me to change it in any way). I can't help but think but the emotional trauma of all this is exacerbating things.

I'm also happy to put up a prayer request for __ but I thought I should ask you about that first.

Nothing is impossible for the Lord. This storm, this hurricane you're going through will pass. Hold His hand tight, and it will be alright. Praying here too for the timing to be sped up.
When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever.
Proverbs 10:25 NIV
Your friend in Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #21:
Thank you Bob for your wonderful letter. It gave me so much comfort. We read your email together this morning when we woke up. You are spot on. 

I'm not sure how this is all going to work out. So far so good but you never know. 

Thank you for your prayers. Yes, please pray for her. She is hurting so bad but knows she has to end this. 

[omitted]

I think you might be right about the annulment. Since there has been a domestic case filed and the behavior was just recent maybe the judge would agree. I'm going to look into it. 

Thank you for being such a great friend. 
Response #21:
You are certainly welcome. I pray (am praying will keep praying) that this works out for the good and quickly too.

Husbands are commanded to love their wives (Eph.5:25-28; Col.3:19). Physically and mentally abusing them is the exact opposite of that.

You two have a lot to deal with – not that you didn't before! Praying for some relief, and keeping all these things you've mentioned in my prayers as well.

Do let me know how it all goes.

Praying for your health, my friend.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
Question #22:
Good day, Dr. Bob.

I have a question about believers having romantic relationships with non-believers. Many denominations advise against believers having romantic relationships with non-believers. It's often mentioned that while some non-believing partners might convert, it's not always a genuine conversion, and sometimes it might just be a way to appease their believing partners. This makes me wonder if this is a strict rule that believers must follow, or is it more of a guideline – something to avoid as much as possible? Because from what I've seen, believers often fall in love with non-believers - a lot really, and these feelings are really hard to ignore. I am currently experiencing this as I am interested to a catholic woman, and __ really talked me out of the "do not be unequally yoked...". I actually understand the point of that, but I am one of those who have hopes that maybe I could also be what God will use to open the eyes of this woman I am interested in. It is a risk, yes, and it is one I am willing to take. What are your thoughts about this, sir?
Response #22:
Re: "__ really talked me out of the "do not be unequally yoked..." ": It's in the Bible. There is also 1st Corinthians 7:39 which, while it is speaking of widows, is really reaffirming and reminding us of this principle which applies to all.

You've probably read the "rules" which the Bible lays out and put in simplified form at Ichthys many times. Regardless of the should/shouldn't of it, or the "better not to" of it, people do get married. If you marry someone, you are married to them, and you'll have to deal with the consequences. If it is a case of "shouldn't" and "better not to" and you do it anyway, it's not like you're going to lose your salvation, but since even marriages which are not subject to these initial disadvantages bring "trouble" (1Cor.7:28), adding this layer will cause more complications. Having a partner who doesn't appreciate what's most important to you leads to conflict. Having a partner who has superstitions which will potentially damage you and your children makes the marriage tougher. Most RC's, for example, are convinced to the core that theirs is the "true church". And when children come, they are usually adamant about having them brought up RC. So love is wonderful, but best to go into things with open eyes. We do not control anyone else' free will, and when it comes to being saved or not, there are reasons why unbelievers do not believe, and for adults in this day and age, it's not lack of information. 

I'm saying a prayer for this to all work out for you for the good.

In Jesus,

Bob L.
http://ichthys.com/